Grief, often associated with the loss of a loved one, extends its reach into the broader spectrum of life changes, encompassing significant events such as job transitions, the conclusion of relationships, or even relocating to a new place. It’s a complex mix of emotions that everyone encounters, often including deep sadness, fear, and shock. We’re here to delve into how mindfulness can serve as a valuable companion during these challenging times.
We’ll explore the science behind mindfulness for grief, highlighting how intentional awareness can reshape our brains and provide a practical toolkit for managing emotions. We’ll discuss what grief entails, explore the ways in which mindfulness offers support, and share strategies for moving forward after experiencing loss or significant life changes. Additionally, we’ve curated a collection of guided meditations designed to provide moments of reflection and solace amidst the rollercoaster of emotions.
Navigating the path of grief is a personal journey, unique to each individual. It’s important to understand that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to this experience. Grief is different for everyone, and it can change over time. Sometimes, it might come back unexpectedly, even long after the initial loss. Think of this guide as a helpful tool on your ongoing mindfulness journey through grief. You can come back to it whenever you need support. We’re here to offer insights and mindfulness practices to help you through the varying emotions of grief, recognizing that everyone’s experience is different.
Grief is most often described as the pain of losing a loved one, but it’s also our natural response to big life changes, like getting or losing a job, ending a relationship, or moving. It involves stages like denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
Our minds, brains, and bodies all get involved in the grief process, reacting to and helping us recover from the punch-in-the-gut feeling that comes with change. While the emotions that arise during this time are the most-talked about grief symptoms, we may also feel physical symptoms like nausea, fatigue, insomnia, lack of appetite, and more. It can feel all-encompassing. Our bodies are trying to figure out how to cope with something that’s wreaked havoc on our usual comforts, ways of doing things, and sources of meaning and connection.
Grieving is actually tied to our deep, ancient need for connection. Back in the day, sticking together in groups was a survival tactic, so when we lose a connection, it’s like an alarm goes off in our system.
Everyone’s grief journey is unique, and there’s no rulebook or timeline. We’re all just trying to navigate our own path through a big, messy maze of emotions. So, whether you’re dealing with the loss of a person, a job, or something else entirely, it’s okay to ride the waves of grief, however and whenever they come. This guide is designed to be a resource that you can come back to time and time again, whenever you need it.
Emotional rollercoaster: Grief often involves a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and even relief. These emotions can come and go in waves, even long after we experience the initial loss..
Physical symptoms: Grief can manifest physically, leading to symptoms like fatigue, changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, headaches, or stomachaches.
Cognitive effects: Loss can affect concentration, memory, and decision-making abilities. It might be challenging to focus on daily tasks or make choices during the grieving process.
Social withdrawal: Grieving individuals may withdraw from social activities or isolate themselves as they navigate their emotions. The pain of loss can make it difficult to engage with others.
Spiritual impact: For some, grief raises questions about the meaning of life, existence, and one’s beliefs. It may prompt a search for spiritual or existential understanding.
Intense longing: A common aspect of grief is the intense longing for the person or thing that is lost. This longing can trigger moments of deep sadness and despair.
Changes in identity: Grief can alter one’s sense of identity. People may question who they are or their role in the absence of what or whom they’ve lost.
Behavioral changes: Grief can influence behavior, leading to changes in routine, habits, or coping mechanisms—some more healthy than others. Some people might seek solace in new activities or withdraw from familiar ones.
Impact on relationships: The dynamics of relationships can shift due to grief. Communication may become strained, and people might struggle to connect with others who haven’t experienced a similar loss.
It’s important to note that grief is a highly individualized experience, and people cope with it in various ways. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and each person’s journey is unique. If you’re struggling with grief, it may feel especially difficult to seek connection, but finding support from friends, family, or professionals can be beneficial. If someone you know is grieving, it can be helpful to reach out and let them know that you’re there to support them through this hard time.
Grieving mindfully means being aware of and accepting your emotions without judgment. It involves navigating the complex journey of grief with self-compassion and purposeful awareness. Try this:
1. Accept your feelings: Allow yourself to feel what you feel at any given moment, with a sense of self-compassion, and without judgment.
2. Express your feelings: Just as important as accepting your feelings is expressing them in a way that is helpful to you. Journaling, talking about the experience, scrapbooking, or dancing, for example, are helpful ways to process grief instead of allowing the feelings to stay stuck.
3. Reach out: During this time, it is important to reach out in multiple ways. Reach out for guidance from a spiritual counselor or a psychologist. Reach out to share stories of your loved one with others, andoffer support to other grievers. Find a balance between sitting with yourself and being with others, but ultimately, reach out—don’t isolate.
4. Continue to take care of yourself and others: Living life while grieving often feels like scaling a mountain. Grieving takes energy and can often feel draining. As much as possible during this tough time, continue to eat well, exercise, and maintain wellness practices.
5. Celebrate your loved one’s life: It is important through the grief process to keep the memory of your loved one alive in some way that both inspires growth, and reflects and honors your unique relationship. This can include donating to a charity, meditating in their honor, and even planting a tree.
Dealing with grief is a deep journey we all will likely face sometime in life. It comes with many feelings and difficulties, but practicing mindfulness can help.
Mindfulness can support us in healing and self-discovery after loss and change. Seek support from others, reflect on past challenges, and envision a new life ahead by exploring some of these suggestions from mindfulness teacher and psychotherapist Ronald Alexander:
Reach out for Support: Don’t try to bear yourchallenges alone. Ask for assistance from your friends, spiritual leaders, support groups, and professionals.
Sit Quietly and Reflect: No matter the severity of your trauma, sit quietly and ask yourself, “Historically have I experienced other challenges in my life and how did I navigate through them?” Now use these past experiences to tap into your internal courage and strength and explore if you can implement the same strategies again.
Trust Your Inner Resources: Once you realize that you survived other traumas before now, trust in yourself to know that you have the ability to get through your present challenge.
Learn to Keep Yourself Centered Through the Unbearable Feelings of Grief: When the waves of sadness and helplessness wash over you initially, feel the emotion and its depth but then start to breathe through the grief with slow deep breaths. This will help you stay grounded and bring you back to the present.
Start Imagining a New Life: Even though you are experiencing immense grief, as you are ready, start to imagine and invent in your mind’s eye a new future for yourself.
Practice Mindfulness: While doing grounding practices such as meditation, yoga, or even walks in nature, remember that your loss is cyclical like the seasons. The intensity may arise, then lessen, and arise again. Like the trees that weather the winter snow then bloom in the spring, this is part of the natural process of things.
Life changes can feel like a sudden punch, throwing you into a tough situation. Imagine doing your usual thing, then, boom, you lose your home, your job changes, or someone you care about is gone. It really hurts! Things that used to feel familiar now seem strange. When that comfort is suddenly gone, it causes uncertainty. Grief makes sense in these moments. Grief might feel like a big challenge, even if you’ve faced tough times before. Here are some ways mindfulness can help us begin to sort through our experience and maybe even begin to move forward.
Grief can feel as though everything is crashing down around you, and maybe it is. You might choose to be curious about ways you could let grief in, without it knocking you out. When you are feeling that it’s all too much, and that grief has got you in its jaws, Elaine Smookler writes, sometimes it helps to:
Accept that grief does not follow a rule book—despite what you might have been told. Grief is like being in a state of shock. When grief picks you up you might suddenly start laughing at the most inappropriate moment or spend all day on YouTube watching monkeys throw their feces around. Please be kind to yourself. There is no one way to grieve.
Accept that grief could show up uninvited anywhere, anytime: at the grocery store, in the middle of your workday … one minute you are busily running to keep up with the world’s frantic pace, and the next minute your legs give out, and you couldn’t run even if you wanted to. Welcome, Grief!
Be kind to yourself and to those around you. You might feel skinless and unintentionally lash out. You might need a hug, or a quiet moment. It’s not your imagination—everything is freaky-deaky. It is so important that you ask yourself what you need to help you stay as well as possible—and then to do your best to give yourself what you need.
Stop a moment—give yourself permission to pause. You need it.
Breathe—follow the breath all the way in and all the way out a few times. This can help you to feel grounded. What do you notice?
Connect to what you are feeling with as much kindness and compassion as possible. These are tough times. Give yourself a big hug and recognize you need a friend, and that friend is you.
Mindfulness is all about paying attention to the present moment without judging it. In grief, this means being aware of our feelings without getting overwhelmed or avoiding them.
Scientists have been looking into how mindfulness can help people going through tough times, and the results are promising. When we practice mindfulness during grief, it helps us accept the reality of the loss and be kind to ourselves as we navigate all those tough emotions. It’s like having a mental anchor, keeping us steady in the storm of sadness.
Mindfulness, particularly methods like Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), can significantly help those dealing with grief. One study looked at how mindfulness training (MBCT) helps people dealing with grief after losing a loved one. The study involved 19 people who participated in an 8-week mindfulness program. The results showed that mindfulness training led to changes in how different parts of the brain communicate when the mind is at rest. This suggests that mindfulness helps improve focus and reduces wandering thoughts. The study also found that these changes in the brain were linked to improvements in mindfulness, anxiety, and handling emotions. In simple terms, mindfulness training seems to help people navigate their emotions after loss by making positive changes in how the brain works during quiet moments.
Research also shows that mindfulness can actually change how our brains work. Activities like meditation or focused breathing activate parts of our brain that deal with emotions and self-awareness. This rewiring can make it easier for us to handle our feelings and stress.
So, when we talk about the science of mindfulness for grief, we’re essentially talking about using our inner resources to help us face and work through the pain of loss, giving us a more grounded and compassionate way to heal.
In times of loss, meditation becomes a powerful tool, offering a calm space to process emotions, find inner strength, and discover a sense of peace. These meditations can be your ally in navigating the challenging terrain of grief and loss.